2000-2010 What a decade

Man, here it is-2010. What a decade. Y2k did not happen- but 911 did.

Bin Laden still lurks out there, and terrorists still attempt to attack us.

I started out the decade living in my “last” house- in Vermont, and here at the end of 2009 and I am in my fourth house in Florida- not counting a seven month “retreat” in a Columbus Condo.

I took my dream job and moved to Florida after twenty-two years in Vermont. Denise’s mother’s suspicion that I would take her daughter out of state was finally confirmed.

Hit fifty- and discovered what Chronic Lymphocritic Leukemia was in the same year.

Bought a Mustang convertible- yeah, I am that fat old guy driving around...who else can afford them?

Learned to distinguish between CLL experts and strip mall oncologist: fired a few along the way.

I found out that Chemo did not always radiate- and unfortunately did not always work.

Also discovered that good Doctors listened, and it is not more expensive to go to the best...just sometimes less convenient.

Attempted a Bone Marrow Transplant- but lost a kidney instead. Since I have two, I do not miss it much…and I am not sure the transplant being scrapped was such a bad thing.

Lost more CLL warriers than I like to admit.

Had my best income year in 2007, and my worse (for the decade)in 2008.

I woke up in September 2008 to a looming financial disaster.

Discovered that some businesses were too big to fail, and their rescue had very little to do with me or the economy.

Decided that I needed to go on disability, and that being frugal was a good thing.

Discovered that not letting the Realtors talk us into a bigger house was also a good thing.

Tried hard not to believe that all politicians were self serving…still a mighty battle with the jury still out.

Found that Denise liked to remodel, and she lost her fear of power tools. She built several out buildings- including a playhouse for our granddaughters. They believe all grandmothers build playhouses.

I lost two sons- had one returned and become responsible-while the other remains in the wind.

I became aware of what being a grandfather meant, three times, and the commitment to family.

Learnt to give thanks for all things...all things. Time and age has shown me that what appears to be bad, may not be so bad in the big picture... see the reference to my missing kidney.

There are so many things that have happened this decade. So many ironic, sad, and happy things to recount and consider.

One thing is consistent- we remain- we are blessed, and with God’s will, we will survive.

Denise and I are desperately trying to stay awake for a dinner cruise tonight in Tampa Bay… our thirtieth New Years Eve together.

God Bless and Happy New Year!

Blame it on Dennis

Years ago, working in Vermont as a Marketing Director- there was a real pain in the ass working with me, in a lateral job, who wanted to basically do my job. He was obnoxious, arrogant, and eventually proved to be a liar and exaggerator. He collected his things one evening when the proverbial jig was up and he was about to be exposed, and was never seen again.

He also allowed some to conveniently use him as a scapegoat- problem with the accounting software- Must have been Dennis. Do we have inventory issues? That darn Dennis… It really got to be absurd…even to me who almost (almost) came to blows with Dennis when he entered my office and tried to intimidate me. I refer to my reaction as going “Cleveland” on him.

Dennis did some pretty bad things- but not as much as he was given credit for. Allowing some to avoid adult responsibility. It was childish to blame him- to shirk responsibilities. Dennis was not responsible for all ills that befell this company prior and since his departure.

I suspect Mr. Obama is also still in that “childish” behavior-blaming bad ol’ George Bush for everything bad in our lives. The fact is we still need to do something about the challenges we face-no matter whom may have caused them.

Grow some, uhhh- convictions Mr. President. Quit blaming "George" for everything.

The Effects of Sleep Deprivation

Sleep deprivation can have serious effects on your health in the form of physical and mental impairments. Inadequate rest impairs our ability to think, handle stress, maintain a healthy immune system and moderate our emotions. In fact, sleep is so important to our overall health that total sleep deprivation has been proven to be fatal: lab rats denied the chance to rest die within two to three weeks.

Without adequate rest, the brain's ability to function quickly deteriorates. The brain works harder to counteract sleep deprivation effects, but operates less effectively: concentration levels drop, and memory becomes impaired.
Similarly, the brain's ability to problem solve is greatly impaired. Decision-making abilities are compromised, and the brain falls into rigid thought patterns that make it difficult to generate new problem-solving ideas. Insufficient rest can also cause people to have hallucinations. Other typical effects of sleep deprivation include:

• depression
• heart disease
• hypertension
• irritability
• slower reaction times
• slurred speech
• tremors.

I have been battling a urinary tract infection that has caused me to get up 5-7 times every night, not permitting me to get a good nights sleep...since early November.

Ironically, the CAL 101 phase one chemo trial I am on for my CLL seems to be working. I just have not had the opportunity to experience it due to this infection.

I am seeing an ID Doctor today because unfortunately my continued use of antibiotics to fend off infections have made oral antibiotics ineffective. I have to go for the heavy duty stuff by IV.

I believe irritability, while that come to me "naturally", will be lessened once this rotton $#%&# infection is eliminated.

God Bless,

Ming Survives

The title- "Ming Survives" is borrowed from the famous quote of John Adams, on his death bed in Massachusetts at age 90...Unknown to him, his old friend and political ally/opponent Thomas Jefferson also was either dying or dead in Virginia. It was July 4th, 1826- fifty years after the Declaration of Independence. The last of the original signers.

Denise and I recently watched the mini series, "John Adams" from Netflix... He was portrayed as a crotchety old bastard that had high principles and did not bend. Fair minded- concerned with justice for all. A good role model...in my opinion.

Tough thing about having a dog is that they get old and eventually may have to be put down. Ming, my Shtz Zu, and old traveling buddy was of concern. His back legs were not functioning properly, and his vision seemed to be severely impaired. So we took him for a quality of life meeting with the Vet.

Fortunately for all-especially Ming, he was given a steroid and seems to be back to normal- as an old dog...He is in no pain, and besides having just a few teeth-he loves his home made dog food. He will live to fight another day...

As will I.

God Bless,

Oil Change

Changed my oil today....Big deal...I use to regularly change my oil, plugs, points and on one particular vehicle with an aluminum head- the head gaskets every three thousand miles or so. It has been a long time since I last personally performed these tasks-probably when Ronald Reagan was President. It has been too easy to have someone else do it...and not that expensive. Of course plugs last about 100k now and points- well they don't exist.

I woke up this morning, again after a long night of interrupted sleep and was determined not to allow this situation to prevent me from living life. I found my ramps in the shed- and thanks to my friend Dave Skuller- I timidly pulled the Mustang up onto the ramps. He suggested that I might overshoot the end of the ramps. That had never occurred to me- or happened, even in the old days of conder blocks and wood planks... But I thought of it as I inched up the incline.

Six quarts of synthetic, a new oil filter and only a tad on the drive way when I kicked the drain pan wiggling my fat butt under the car...I also have a pair of sneakers now officially deemed "oil changing shoes..."

I also had a little spillage as I drained the pan into the oil jugs for transport to the recycling center. A little oil sloshed over onto the grass.

Al Gore would be upset.

Not apologizing for being an American

Japanese automakers sold 319,342 vehicles under the U.S. cash-for-clunkers program this year, almost half of the roughly 677,000 vehicles purchased. About 115,000 of those Japanese vehicles were imported.

Now Japan is running its own stimulus plan designed, in the midst of a market wide slump, to boost sales of fuel-efficient cars. And the rules shut out all U.S.-brand vehicles.

I will no longer be ashamed of our successes. I will not be ashamed of what we have as a nation- as a basic standard of living. I do not want to lower my standard of living to level the playing field. The US standard of living, the successes of our nation WAS not accomplished on the backs of the third world countries. It was accomplished by men and women who had a dream and took a chance. Many came to this country, legally, to pursue that dream, knowing that they might very well fail in their attempts. Many did fail. But they got back up and tried again. We are not a second rate country- we do not owe any apologies to any other countries for succeeding, growing, and prospering. We have done so by the sweat and determination of our people. Actually, truth be told- we have done it with THEIR people, The people who chose to leave their homeland for something better: The United States of America. All were not too big to fail... they were determined.

We have done this living with our self imposed restrictions, trade, environment, health care, and worker’s rights. Oil rigs are appearing between Cuba and Florida, while we debate. We monitor the levels of toxins we have in our products while the Chinese happily send us sheet rock and children’s toys that cause us harm. We have no restriction on the import of Cars – even allowing foreign companies to set up shop here- while we are not allowed to compete equally.

When will we get some politicians with the stones to defend the values and efforts of the Americans they supposedly represent?

I am not apologizing any longer. Neither should my elected officials.

God Bless America.

Sleep

Still lacking a good night's sleep. This urinary thing is getting old. The doctors are on it- but again I am reminded why they call it practising medicine. Last night up every hour on the hour...My usual sweet demeaner is without a doubt being challenged. Not a time to make major decisions or discuss with Denise budgets, travel, dog care, or for that matter anything else...

I woke up this morning (the last time) and thought about what a pain this is- no energy, no enthusiasm...grouchie as a bear... and wondered what I could do. Feeling a little sorry for myself...

Prayer is always a good thing- as well as acceptance and giving thanks.

So I did, I gave thanks.

Tough... giving thanks for not sleeping! Well why not, I have seen many other strange things come from odd occurences in my life... and if I believe the words inside the Book... I guess I need to not put my own predetermined qualifications on them... My old (well previous) pastor use to say...if the book is not true- then throw it away, go do whatever you want... (I am sure he said it much more eloquently than that)the point was to either grasp it, accept it or not.

There is no gray areas...the Bible is a manual for living.

So, thank you Lord for the situation that is now upon me- I don't understand but I have faith that you are in control...and I accept your authority in my life.

Maybe this is a time when I get to put to practise my belief that I can do all things through Christ that strengthen me... as well as time to do as I frequently tell my siblings and sons when they might bemoan a current situation...identify where and what is current and move forward. Nothing can change the past- no wishing or hoping- there is no time to have a pity party. Do something. It might be wrong- but that will become evident...and move you toward the right path.

So this morning, after praying I decided- okay, I am not getting any sleep-now what...Time to act... I actually went out today, accomplished several things on my list... that's a start..

day by day... feeling better already.

God Bless

You are What you Think.

Flying back home last night from Columbus, I thought of the many life challenges I have met and succeeded in overcoming. I thought of the obstacles. I have come a long way. God has been good to me- better than I have deserved. I seem to have a sense of euphoric visions while hurtling through the sky at 40,000 feet, or sitting by the ocean- or Gulf of Mexico in my case; it allows me to feel extreme possibilities. Maybe it is a sense of being closer to Him. Plans form, obstacles appear less threatening… I feel like I can accomplish life changing goals…start projects, expand my horizons.

I guess I mention all this because I find myself looking for ailments these days. Thinking that things will not get better- wondering what I should start and what I should not try… Granted there have been some physical limitations associated with my leukemia and recent bladder surgeries… but I have to admit I have gotten sucked into it as well. For nearly six years now I have been waking each morning wondering if I would have a good day or not. In reality, I have been looking for the negative signs of CLL progression.

Thirty years ago I read a book by a fellow “Doug Hooper” titled “You are What You Think…” Doug had been a mousey guy who lived an uneventful life. Work, family, Church, and some volunteer time at a local prison- San Quentin- a prison ministry. He tried to encourage men in prison to escape their circumstances first in their mind… acting as if they were law abiding citizen, and the laws of nature would take over. Erasing the negative thoughts of themselves and visualize being responsible members of society. Water seeks it own level. If you were a law abiding responsible person, you would be out of synch, out of place in a prison environment… Apparently, the men who followed that advice seemed to transcend the usual rotation of jail- out- trouble- jail again… many defied the odds- the expected outcome of their lives. He spoke of the laws of nature- the law of cause and effect being as real as the law of gravity.

Doug realized one day that he had been talking a mean game- but had not been following his own advice. He was like many, living ok, struggling financially within his means, but not personally fulfilled. So he applied the logic of acting as if- visualizing himself receiving checks in the mail, writing a column, publishing books… being a public speaker, and eventually that all came to pass.

I read his books, listened to his audio tapes and actually met Mr. Hooper at a time when I was trying to expand my possibilities become a better person…and not live up to the lowered expectations that my past had presented to me. A life that I expected to have- that was not v ery fulfilling. I suppose I could blame people- my parents, my teachers, the government...but the fact would still be there... If something was going to change- I had to be a part of that.

So, I read many positive mental attitude books- took courses at my own expense, like Dale Carnegie, Anthony Robbins, and Karass Negotiating. I maxed out employer programs that paid for workshops. I looked for the common denominators of each that could be fitted into my life. I went to church. I eventually found a "good" Bible reading church. That was key. After 13 years in a highly visable image church- I learned more about the Bible in the first six months in a small "bible reading" church.

I am fortunate to have been blessed mightily with a good wife and a Lord who presented me with possibilities within His word (over and over I might add- I was a slow learner) and within my life experiences. Denise encouraged me... God guided me- when I got out of His way. My job has been to connect the dots. Quite frankly, I felt pretty much on track until about six years ago.

Hooper also spoke about physical health- how listening to others describe their illness, how rampant a virus or flu might be- he found himself coming down with the symptoms. He decided to stop looking for ailments. Sounds like a good idea.

40,000 feet can add some clarity.

Now what? Still have leukemia. I still have Bladder cancer. What I need to do is feel closer ro God, and feel his love for me. I need to start acting as if… appling some laws of nature- and maybe getting out of God's way.

Now that I have published this, I guess I have to do it...

Hang on....

God Bless,

28 degrees and holding…

Back to Columbus today- clinic tomorrow, CT Scans early Wednesday, and return to Florida in the afternoon. I will be staying at the motel closest to the Hospital… and right next to a Tim Horton’s and Bob Evans- great coffee at Tim's, and Biscuits and Gravy at Bob's. Unfortunately, both mornings I am not allowed to have coffee or breakfast. Cruel and unusual punishment...

I finally have had a decent night's sleep last night… I got up several times… but not every 30-45 minutes as has been usual. Sleep deprivation does not improve my usual sweet demeanor, and just enforces my reputation as a surly bastard… The lack of sleep thing has really stopped me from doing most of anything… no trips to the beach, no afternoon escape to read… just a lump.

I haven’t even gotten too upset with the political pandemonium out there… The Barry, Harry, and Nancy show.

I did spend some time on Saturday looking at some options for my ailing elderly dog, Ming. He is 17 and not doing too well. It is tough taking care of something like this- and you want to make sure you are not too quick to pull the plug. Ming must has sensed his slippery situation- as he has been a bit more active- running to the corner and back- as if to let me know it is not yet time. He is in no pain, so we are all safe for now. Truth be told, we got our other dog Quincy so we would not have a lapse once Ming went… that was four years ago…

Ming responds well to proper motivation...

I can respect that...especially now that Denise has lost her fear of power tools...

God Bless,

Allergist Immunologist- a new set of friends to play with.

Thanksgiving was nice here- my sister and her husband, their grown son and his family joined us. I arrived Tuesday…My grand daughters were with the other grandparents- missed them, but this is not a competition. Unfortunately my Sister and BIL from PA got sick- hacking and coughing- losing their voices… so we did not spend as much time as I would like to after t-day. This CLL thing, makes me feel like a sissy sometimes. I know that is not Politically correct- but staying away from possible infected people, really is a bear. It is another part of who I am that I have to give up. I wanted so much to just disregard the knowledge, ignore that I could get seriously ill from my loved ones, and ignore the conventional wisdom- Macho Man. But I didn’t.

I have been back in the sunshine state one week now…back in my own bed- playing with the grand daughters, watching over my elderly dog, Ming…and I have a couple of skin eruptions on my right elbow and left calf… I had several that had healed when I arrived in Columbus.

I have done some research; found a couple of somewhat highly regarded Allergist/Immunologist here in Tampa. Asking for the top dog, I will see him tomorrow. The goal is to see if he can assist in determining what is happening due to my weakened immune system…and hopefully come up with some suggestions. These freaky things are one of the worse challenges I face---I would love to find a way to identify what causes them and correct the issue… the belief that lymph mode growth internally are causing the skin issues doesn’t fly with my current Cal 101 program. My nodes are down…

In preparation for our appointment, I put together a time line of skin issues, hospitalizations due to skin eruptions/fevers, and periods of no skin challenges. It has been a pretty busy 11 years since I was first diagnosed with Bladder Cancer, and then Chronic Lymphocritic Leukemia nearly six years ago and the surprise loss of my right kidney to cancer (still suspect Cytoxan was the culprit) two years ago.
I seem to have difficult times with eruptions in the spring- mid-summer, and October.
Well, I am praying for some wisdom to be placed upon the Doctor.

I will be back in Columbus next week- clinic form Cal 101, and a coming out party for the stent placed inside my bladder. Hopefully that will eliminate my need to visit the bathroom so many time during the night...

Tough Times Don't Last- Tough People do.

God Bless

Back to Florida

The car is semi packed…The Dublin “Chalet” is looking kind of empty. I will go to the St James tomorrow for a clinic check up- get some new pills and point the Cadillac south. BTW, I am extremely happy with 27 miles per gallon…as the North Star eight cylinder glides down the road… Yes I could get better mileage, but I am still resistant to driving a cracker box. I enjoy the ride.

I fly back December 7th, and then monthly after that.

The Cal 101 treatment has been successful so far…lymph nodes have decreased, my energy has increased, and my skin issues- itchy, break outs, eruptions- have disappeared. This is a phase one trial- so there may be other issues not yet discovered… but anything that will give me a better “quality of life” enhancement is ok with me. Phase one trial usually has only one goal… see what dosage is tolerated, participants have very few options.

I received some bad news last night- a fellow CLL’er passed away. I had met him several years ago here in Columbus- when I was on my Bone Marrow Transplant attempt. I had wanted to meet someone who had had a transplant. Danny was from the Cleveland area, had had a bone marrow transplant two years prior, and was having a terrible time of Graft versus Host disease. He passed away after a battle with pneumonia and H1N1 last Thursday, leaving behind a wife, Dawn, and son Donovan (who I believe is ten). Please remember them in your prayers as they struggle through this difficult period.

I was kicked off the transplant train due to a bad kidney that had to be removed. I have often thought that that had been a good thing- not going to transplant. Had the kidney thing not been discovered- it surely would have caused havoc after the transplant.

I am ready to go home.

God Bless,

Being Selfish

Do we actually tell someone when we forgive them? Is it for the forgivers benefit more so than the receiving person of the forgiveness?

Another blogger mentioned a rapists being forgiven and that it may not have any impact on him. He displayed no repentance. It reminded me of a news story I saw on Pittsburgh television a few days ago. The gangster who killed the former witness was acting up for the camera as he was being lead away. Tough guy. A new witness was stepping forward, and if justice is served- the young man will not see the outside of a prison again…But if he were forgiven by the victim family, can the fact he is forgiven make a difference?

Maybe not in my time frame, maybe not at all…Fortunately for the young rapist, the gangster, and others I am not the almighty making the decisions or judgments… They more than likely would be obliterated. Who’s next?

But maybe, just maybe, after a decade or two in jail--- if they survive, they might make a life changing decision…they might reflect upon the absurd notion that a victim’s family forgave them. They might repent.

As a Christian…their admission of sin and acceptance of Christ is sufficient…as long as it is sincere…no matter when it occurs. It doen’t seem fair- but maybe, just maybe- forgiving someone and letting them know they are forgiven might make an everlasting change of salvation for that person down the road. Eventually.

Please do not get me wrong. They must pay for what they did in accordance with our laws. I am not thinking we need to open the gates… but not forgiving someone may be more harmful to the victim… Some psychiatrists are suggesting bitterness might be labeled as a mental disorder… I think we all can think of someone who had something happen in their life- and never got over it… Maybe we can see a bit of that in ourselves...

I don’t think I could ask the victim’s family to spend time with an unrepentant aggressor- or think fondly of them- but forgiving them and moving on with their lives might be the best for all concerned.

Having a son sitting in prison, who walked away from his family- his children- my grandchildren, I can only hope that one day he sees the errors of his ways.

If he does that at age 80, long after I am gone, in some cell somewhere… that would be great. Sooner of course would be better...but again it is not my time table.

God Bless,

Forgiveness

This is probably one of my biggest challenges. One that I am working on… I got a little vindictive earlier in the week. My situation, my challenges… Nothing to lose- I started looking at some old fashioned pay back… for a long long time ago.

I have relented.

Forgiveness is something that is given us from Christ… Something I need to emulate.

I am working on it...

God Bless,

Winning off the strip

The surgery was successful in removing most of the tumors in my bladder…I am rescheduled for a repeat performance on November 18th. All are superficial, no worries.

The Cal 101 leukemia trial seems to be reducing the Lymph nodes, and my energy seems to be increasing. I have clinic Tuesday, and go for CT Scans on Wednesday,

It is 59 degrees here at the Dublin Chalet. Sun is shining, and I will cruise about twenty minute or so to visit a car show hosted by an old friend and client.

This last week was the first time I have missed the Las Vegas SEMA trade show in over 15 years. Strangely enough, missing my friends aside, I did not miss the week long trek from aisle to aisle. I am not a gambler... I did miss the Calamari steaks at the Hilton Steak House, and great Italian fare off the strip at Ferro’s, the wine at Mix’s at the Mandalay Bay -with the best view in town, and of course my ARMO and SEMA friends who surprised me last year with an induction into the Automotive Restoration Market Organization's Person of the year...

It totally blew me away.

But things change…new chapters begin…

Gotta go check out the car show…

God Bless

Rescheduled

The transurethral resection is back on... The bladder cancer surgery that I have had about 15 or so times now is scheduled for this Wednesday. In and out, forgive the pun...out patient- with just enough discomfort to require some Oxycontin. I am such a sissy, I am still concerned I will get hooked like Rush Limbaugh did...

I switched my Cal 101 chemo trial clinic to Tuesday. That seems to be doing well- still no nasty side effects, and the nodes are still reduced...

Anyway, here at the Dublin Chalet (I called it the Dublin Dump- but was corrected by a friend). Visiting some old friends and some long lost biological siblings... another post, another time. My family's primary goal when I was growing up was to one day be just dysfunctional...

Well at age 55, battling Chronic Lymphocritic Leukemia, Bladder Cancer, and having had a kidney removed due to cancer- I guess I can say I have a lot to be thankful for. In retrospect the challenges of the past are what build us in character. I can see the ultimate good that God has brought from what at the time appeared to be the worse possible time ever...I am saving my "childhood" for another day. Just one note that I learned a long long time ago- "You can't call yourself an adult if you still blame mommy and daddy for not ...fill in the blank.

Wouldn't it be great to just fast forward to the good times? I think we can- if we just remember to do so- thank God for the circumstances, and expect the good will be revealed to you some time down the road. Why wait feeling good if you know it is coming?

Sometimes we allow ourselves to be kicked down- or go into Eeyore mode. You know, the Winny the Pooh character who is described as being quiet, intelligent, and always depressed.

Yeah, Yeah- I know...some of you guys might think I have "fox hole religion"... Ain't no atheist in battle. But I actually have been using this thankful to God creed well before I knew what a Urologist actually did---or attended a bible teaching church.

Okay, just another reminder why we call this Ramblings by Randy....

Laundry day.

God Bless

Columbus again...

Catching up... Flew back to Columbus on Tuesday... Had a great visit with Denise and the grand kids...Neese was all over me...Denise and I went to our favorite beach area to read and wade in the frigid waters---76 degrees- ate at a couple of our favorite restaurants, drove the Mustang with the top down, and Denise made my favorite meal- a chicken casserole that strangely has replaced my old favorite chicken casserole that was loaded with Velveeta... The new one has stuffing. No Tofu...gotta keep up the weight- the Olympics are coming...

Fun in the Sun... but I return to my birth state.

Clinic on Tuesday, everything seems to be going well- the lymph nodes have decreased- no skin eruptions... still a bit fatigued- but for clinic I can't take my legal speed until afterwards... feeling pretty good today. Stocked up on the "man" groceries... chicken patties, soup, breakfast sausage, and a case of Dasani water... I also scored a really great radio at Goodwill. A Sony Dream machine- stereo that I can run my XM through... $4.00! I soaked it in disinfectant... but it sounds great. The bored dude at Radio Shack who did not have time to deal with my questions saved me at least $40.00 for a sub standard radio...

One day I want to write a book called- "I Want to Give you Money..." with my buddy Gil. Many stories about trying to buy something and being blown off... Like the Plant City contractor who has yet to give me his estimate for a new garage... times must be better than I thought... Of course it has been a year now...

Not sure what the weekend will bring- taking it as it comes...being grateful for all God has given me, and the opportunity to swing the bat a few more times...

Ain't giving up yet...

God Bless,

Follow the Money

http://www.fec.gov/disclosure.shtml

This is a great web site to check and see where your representative from the Senate, House, even White House has received their funding...

Knowledge is power...

God Bless,

Always planning my next meal...

88 degrees and sunny. As my friend Gil might say- it is a little "close" out there. Humid. But not too bad.

Spending some time doing the local things... like breakfast at Snellgroves... Double order of "heart attack on a plate..." Keep the paddles handy...

That's Biscuits and Gravy for my northern friends...

CDB Pizza this evening...Denise and I use to go there on "dates" 30 years ago...

All is well... feeling pretty good.

God Bless,

Feeling Normal

A fellow CLL'er had an accident recently, falling off a ladder while cleaning out the gutters at home. Reading some of his symptoms, ills, aches and pains one might immediately ask if the man is insane... I mean he has a severe case of CLL... Nope...he is just trying to feel normal again.

Made me think about myself- being self centered and all...

I was diagnosed in 2004- and since then I have underwent numerous chemo treatments, beet juice drinking, no meat, no sugar... and I still have CLL. Actually a rather intense kind that needs treatment, like a bone marrow transplant- or a miracle.

I told my immediate family after a few months, and I stayed on the job until January this year- 4 1/2 years- telling only a few at first, then being open about two years ago. I think I did okay, even in this troubling economy- but when I made a sales trip to LA and felt like I was "in trouble"- weak, unable to perform as I should- I took the spikes off. I received SS Disability, as well as insurance disability as soon as possible...so here I am...

At work, I was initially assigned to a position that allowed me to be somewhat creative---and I appreciate the opportunity. I also felt, as a man with an ego...that I was stuck in one place. I guess I should be thankful- and I actually was when I rationalized my thinking- but it was a special feeling...not normal.

In my home life, my friends and family were of course concerned... sometimes to the point of frustration. Some, I felt, wanted to take my pulse every time I saw them... I cannot fault them for being protective- but it was not normal.

I am, after all, a guy who always tried to succeed...who fought against the odds, and to some extent did better in life than I was expected to...to me that was normal. I liked in business being the underdog---as well as in life... and as I told one friend, I loved it when someone would say---"how did you get here?"

I like beating the odds.

I like doing it myself.

I like feeling normal...

So, my CLL Friend- I understand. I recently bought some synthetic oil, filter and found where to discard the old oil... not because I can't afford to have the oil changed...but because I want to feel "normal".

Let's hope the ramp hold....

God Bless,

Timing is everything...

Just got back to Florida- Denise and my granddaughter, Neese picked me up... and on the drive home from the airport, I get a call from Dr. Pohar's office (OSU James Retreat Urologist), scheduling me for surgery on Monday... in Columbus. I get back on Tuesday. aghhhh.

I went to register for this chemo trial at OSU on June 28th, put everything on hold waiting for the call... got the call October 6th, accepted into the program October 13th. I saw my local Urologist at Moffitt in Tampa back in August- scheduled my procedure for October 15th, which I had to cancel for the chemo trial... Dr. Pohar I saw on Tuesday- and he had pulled some strings to get me in next Monday... I did not expect to hear from him until tomorrow... and thought it might be several weeks before we were a go...

Amber, Dr. Pohar's assistant is working to reschedule- again.

God Bless,

68 degrees and sunny

The weather is beautiful in Columbus today. I have the patio door and windows open and just returned from a 3 mile walk to pick up the newspaper. It is 82 degrees back home- so things there are finally cooling off and becoming tolerable.

I go in for day eight of the Cal 101 trial tomorrow--- so far no problems. I have tried stopping the Provigil (speed) to see if my energy is coming back...I know I am impatient- but the walk probably helped as well- got the old endorphins going. I hate taking unnecessary medications.

I saw the Urologist today, Dr. Pohar...he will be scheduling the Transurethral resection sometime in the next month or so- here in Ohio, so on Thursday I am flying back to Florida for a few days...I have been gone now two weeks today- so it will be nice to be home again.

Guess I need to start thinking of things I need to bring back from Florida to Columbus...and do some laundry...

God Bless,

Is that Ohio Columbus? No, that's Columbus, Ohio.

Sorry, old gum advertisement from the sixties...who says advertising doesn't work..

I have arrived, safe and sound in the north country. Just in time for the drizzling cold rain turning to frost and soon snow.

I have been tested and accepted into the Cal 101 trial at The James Resort, Ohio State University- which requires that I take 2 pills in the morning and 2 in the evening. I started last week- with no ill effects. The only effect I have felt so far is my skin seems to be clearing up on my legs. They were swollen, and some disgusting eruptions had taken place. Now they are practically healed and all is well...I expect that the Band-Aid company will post a loss for this quarter.

Could be the Cal 101- or the cold...

I am about an hour south of Cleveland- my old home town, four hours from my sisters in PA, and two days from my wife in Tampa. I will probably fly home for six days between treatment. I have an appointment to see Dr. Pohar here at the James to deal with my nasty little bladder cancer issue. I need an outpatient surgery that I will do here. Denise may fly up for that- once we get the schedule.

I worked out a good deal on a condo- one bedroom deal in a gated community so I am exploring how to cook something other than grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup... local television even has the Browns games...(good and bad thing)

I would like to say that Ohio State is a terrific medical center- and as a teaching school, up to date on the current practises... I recommend that everyone when faced with any medical issues go to the best medical facility that handles that particular illness. I am not sure how the proposed medical legislation would have worked in my situation, but the original Doctor I saw wanted to immediately put me on a drug that is sarcastically called "Aids in a bag" for the damage it does to your immune system... That was in April 2004. I was a mess- but I did read that hasty treatment could do more harm than good- so I got a second opinion from a CLL Professional. I also fired the local doc when I discovered that both his patient rest rooms had turned off the hot water...like a gas station.

The more you question and learn, the better off you are.

God Bless,

Back to Columbus- Byrdland

I received word on Friday that I am expected to be in Columbus on Friday for pre trial screening... The trial is Cal 101, at the James Cancer Center under the watchful eye of Dr. Byrd. This trial has had some positive results... and hopefully I can add to those statistics.

I have decided to point the Cadillac north- and fly back in a week or so... once I get a firmer understanding of my schedule. I bought the Caddy for northern exposure when I was in Columbus circling the Bone Marrow Transplant drain. The Mustang ragtop is more of a fair weather car- tail end swings in rain, ice would be tragic. I actually feel the Caddy's 27MPG on the highway- 19 in the city is pretty good for not driving a lawn mower. I will probably pull out Tuesday, take my time, and arrive Thursday night.

I will also have to cancel my scheduled transurethral resection for my bladder cancer at Moffit- and possibly reschedule it in Columbus, with Dr. Pohar- dependent upon the screening results and schedule. As an out patient surgery that I have had about 15 times...not a big deal.

Anyway, tomorrow and Monday I will be getting things together-speaking to the housing people, so I will post as I can...

Also have to start working on wearing shoes... flip flops for the last month or so...

God Bless

Obama apology tour continues...

All About Obama

Michael Gerson, Washington Post:

I’ve refrained from commenting on President Obama’s address to the United Nations General Assembly because the speech made me angry. And most postings -- or letters, or e-mails -- written while angry are better discarded or deleted.

But this address grows more disturbing on further reading. Some major presidential speeches deserve to be remembered, quoted and celebrated. Some deserve to be forgotten. A few deserve to be remembered and criticized, because they dishonor the history of presidential rhetoric.

Obama’s rhetorical method in international contexts -- given supreme expression at the United Nations this week -- is a moral dialectic. The thesis: pre-Obama America is a nation of many flaws and failures. The antithesis: The world responds with understandable but misguided prejudice. The synthesis: Me. Me, at all costs; me, in spite of all terrors; me, however long and hard the road may be. How great a world we all should see, if only all were more like…me.

On several occasions, Obama attacked American conduct in simplistic caricatures a European diplomat might employ or applaud. He accused America of acing “unilaterally, without regard for the interests of others” -- a slander against every American ally who has made sacrifices in Iraq and Afghanistan . He argued that, “ America has too often been selective in its promotion of democracy” -- which is hardly a challenge for the Obama administration, which has yet to make a priority of promoting democracy or human rights anywhere in the world.

The world, of course, has its problems, too. It has accepted “misperceptions and misinformation.” It can be guilty of a “reflexive anti-Americanism.” “Those who used to chastise America for acting alone in the world cannot now stand by and wait for America to solve the world’s problems alone.” Translation: I know you adore me because I am better than America ’s flawed past. But don’t just stand there loving me, do something.

I can recall no other major American speech in which the narcissism of a leader has been quite so pronounced. It might be compared to Gen. Douglas MacArthur’s “I shall return” -- which made it sound like MacArthur intended to reconquer the Philippines single-handedly. But MacArthur, at least, imagined himself as embodying his country, not transcending it. He did not assert that while the Japanese invasion was certainly excessive, America had been guilty of provocations of its own -- and now, in the MacArthur era, things would be finally different.

Twice in his United Nations speech, Obama dares to quote Franklin Roosevelt. I have read quite a bit of Roosevelt ’s rhetoric. It is impossible to imagine him, under any circumstances, unfairly criticizing his own country in an international forum in order to make himself look better in comparison. He would have considered such a rhetorical strategy shameful -- as indeed it is.

At the United Nations, Obama set out to denigrate American goodness so he can become our rescuer. The speech had nothing to do with the confident style of Democratic rhetoric found in Roosevelt, Truman and Kennedy. It insulted that tradition. And no one is likely ever to quote the speech -- except to deride it.

By Michael Gerson | September 26, 2009; 6:00 AM ET

I remember being a young man in the early 70's when being "radical" was seen as being cool. Jimmy Hendrix playing the National Anthem- to the horror of the "old guys"...I also remember becoming very patriotic when I was in London and the topic was America's arrogance, corrupt politics, and Nixon's Watergate- we may be imperfect, but we can take care of ourselves- without washing our laundry in the world's laundry mat.

I remember how good it felt when we sent Jimmy Carter packing and we could be proud of being American again...

I am looking forward to having a leader who can lead while he/she acknowledges our strenghts...and lets us be proud to be Americans again.

God Bless America

Michael and Me...

Pigs are flying. It is a cold day in Hell. I can’t believe I am writing this, but last night I was surfing the channels- and paused at Larry King--- yes he is still kicking... His guest was Michael Moore pushing his latest film (which I believe has made him more money in this capitalistic system.) I gritted my teeth and prepared- but I found that some of what he was saying made sense... Before my conservative friends start calling the shrinks- let me say again---some. He is critical of Christopher Dodd, Tim Geitner, and Ben Bernacke... for the original reason I was... We are putting the same characters in charge of the financial mess they helped create.

Michael IS qualifying his dissent from the Obama administrations selections by using the banks practice of hiring former bank robbers to advise how to avoid future robberies... I believe Michael is clutching at straws, but he is heading in the right direction...However, banks that employ criminals and scoundrels do not give them the keys and alarm codes- they tend to keep them on a tight leash... They are, after all still morally corrupt- they just got caught.

Right is right, wrong is wrong. Mr. Moore is an avid Obama supporter and of course still thinks George Bush is the Antichrist, and probably thinks (along with Moammar Kadafi) that he (Bush) may have been on the grassy knoll in Dallas shooting at President Kennedy.

Michael is still a whacko on health care- and most every other issue... but even a blind squirrel will find a nut every now and then...

We are Americans... we can figure out something on this health care issue- despite what our friends and allies might think- we are resourceful and resilient. We just need to get rid of the special interest- on both sides of the aisle. For starters- to get some control on costs- let’s get some tort reform, and outlaw prescription drug advertisements... oily stools and all....

Okay- no more channel surfing...

God Bless,

No news is good news?

Thought I would check in. Not much going on--- had my leg blow up and erupt just before my sister Linda and her husband came to visit... Prior to that, all was pretty good. As I stated in my last post, I was thinking about doing some light car maintenance... The swelling is going back down, so maybe this weekend. My cars are filthy and they could use an oil change. I can’t remember the last time I actually changed the oil myself... Speedy Lubes are so inexpensive. It is still extremely hot here- currently 88 degrees with 89% humidity- so I would have to get any work done in the early AM. I like synthetic oils.

Linda and Jim are back home, Denise has gone to Vermont to visit her mother- and our son and granddaughter...so the dogs and me are batching it.

I received an email from Dr. Byrd yesterday; he said the Cal 101 has been worked out... I guess we are somewhat moving forward. I have not heard from the coordinator yet. I have another transurethral resection (bladder surgery) scheduled for October; at Moffit- the tumors are still superficial- but again, a nuisance. I am not sure if that will get in the way of the Cal treatment.

Politics is still driving me crazy... health care issues are wild. No one seems to get the fact that most of us want change but we would like it to be a thoughtful process- not a slam dunk, no time to read it we got the votes so hell with you process.

Anyway... prayer and hope for a sane solution to the many issues facing us...

God Bless

4 percocet day

I was just boasting the other day that my legs have healed very nicely and the lymph node seemed to be smaller. I began compiling a list of some of the things I would do- change the oil in the Mustang, do some minor repair work on the PT Cruiser, wash both, and maybe some work around the house. I even went so far as to find and set up my car ramps. This morning I was going to Walmart for some Mobil One...and an oil filter. The previous day I had replaced the battery in the mustang. Getting that normal thing back... then the other shoe dropped.

I woke this morning to find that the swelling had began...my left ankle and calf doubled in size- creating blisters filled with the clear fluid. It is as if the fluid has to escape- and these blisters provide the only avenue of escape. The blisters fill and pop, causing some burning- and releasing sufficient amounts to stream down my leg...drying to a hard crust. The initial pain is from within the ankle, as well as a burning acidic sensation from the skin eruptions. Over the course of the day, I usually take 4 percocets, pop beneryl, and let nature take it's course. By the next day, I can flex my ankle, and the eruptions- while not pretty, have completed their function by providing portals for the white sticky fluid to escape to the outside world. The following day, I have some ugly scars- but the swelling has gone down and I am on the road to normal..for what ever a brief time I might spend there...

God Bless

They should be ashamed.

The lack of media coverage of ACORN and their corrupt practices is just the tip of the iceberg that seems to plague our country. Except for Fox- no one has mentioned much about this recent exposure of the federally funded agency- two video tapes were made of two different offices offering illegal (not to mention immoral) advice to a two twenty year olds posing as a Pimp and Prostitute.

The Baltimore office of ACORN was taped helping a Pimp and Prostitute set up a cat house and import teen age illegal immigrants for what can only be considered underage sex slavery, as well as tax fraud.

ACORN officials called foul-claim they were being set up- then fired the two employees.

The next day another video tape of the Washington DC office of ACORN, again seen helping a Pimp and Prostitute set up a cat house and import teen age illegal immigrants for what can only be considered underage sex slavery, as well as tax fraud..

ACORN officials quietly fired the two employees.

The local Tampa paper had two mentions: one in an obscure section that highlights different blogs- a blog mentioned ACORN in a paragraph, the second came Saturday, they reported deep in the paper about the Baltimore alleged misconduct- even though the newspaper had ample time to report the newest allegations. Google ACORN- with the last 24-hour option---where are the major players? NY Times? NBC? CBS? Walter Cronkite is spinning in his grave. Those that call themselves journalist should be ashamed of themselves.

This is not the first time we had seen corruption and illegal activities associated with ACORN. Just last week 11 ACORN employees were arrested in Miami for voter fraud allegations. ACORN continues to be investigated in numerous states, raising much concern.

Some activities were encouraging....

Rep Conyers, Democrat, had suggested an investigation as seen in this except of a Washington Time article...

Washington Times:
May 20, 2009
In an startling partisan shift, House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers Jr. on Thursday proposed holding hearings on claims the liberal activist group ACORN engaged in a pattern of crimes ranging from voter fraud to a mob-style “protection” racket.

... until the shoe dropped -an except from the Washington Times.

Washington Times:
June 25, 2009
House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers Jr. has backed off his plan to investigate wrongdoing by the liberal activist group ACORN, saying "powers that be" put the kibosh on the idea.

I wonder who could exert the political pressure on the Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee? If he is the Chairman, what pressure is he subjected to?

Where is the moral outrage? Where are the legislators from both side of the aisle on this?

Maybe you should ask...

If they are not looking to root out the corruption in this agency- no matter where the ax falls- well then they should be ashamed of themselves as well...and in my opinion seeking new employment.

God Bless,

Doing all right!

I know some people check this blog out to see how I am doing... Still upright and on the green side of the grass. No fevers, fatigue is manageable- lymph nodes manageable... the skin issues seem to be calmed for the moment...knock on wood...all in all doing pretty well.

Guess my recent posts are a testament of my general well being... I am getting all worked up about the political hi jinks that seem to go unnoticed in the mainstream media...not focusing on the CLL thing.

I mean, ACORN, Rangel, Wilson, Obama, Health care... aghhhhh.

I have started listening to left wing radio as well... Randi Rhodes... along with Beck and Limbaugh... talk about going from one extreme to the other...trying to get a balance.

I sometimes wonder if they car pool in together...

Anyway- I am doing well- nothing from the Guru's at Ohio State yet...which is good.

Just sitting here making tin foil hats...

God Bless,

Who do you trust?

This health care issue is a real twister. We need to be a benevolent people... We need to make sure that those less fortunate among us have the opportunity to move up. We need to offer support to those that are faced with extreme illnesses. But we need to also make sure that they who can, pull their own weight.

We are once more asked to act quickly... the goal had been to have this health bill passed and on the President’s desk prior to the August break. Questions arose- arguments erupted. That didn't happen. The pressure is still on.

My questions are:

Do we want to give our trust and the keys to our health care to the US government or do we leave it with the insurance companies?

If this is such a hot item that needs to be passed today- why are we waiting until 2012 to implement it?

How do we pay for more insured- and less premium costs for those currently insured? 36-46 million (depending upon who you ask) now are not covered.

Can we really expect the cost saving measures of the government to find the necessary funds so no additional deficit funding is necessary (tax increase)? If so, what are they waiting for? We could use the money right now.

Can we believe that the existence of a public option (or coop) will not lead to employers taking the 8% payroll hit/fine and dropping their employees- sustaining a lesser cost against the bottom line and swelling the rolls of the “option” beyond the 5% expected and budgeted for?

What about the personal penalty clause? Can we enforce making those individuals that can afford insurance buy it? How? Can't we start with that and see how it impacts our costs?

Can’t we get a bit more aggressive with tort reform?

I do come from the point of the insured. I personally have not had any health insurance nightmares...and believe me I have used a lot and I have cost a lot. I come under the category of catastrophic illnesses, and I expected some push back from insurance companies- but have not had any to date.

The Government has mishandled the VA, SS, Post Office, and created bureaucratic red tape everywhere they go.

Insurance by nature is a nasty business- the insurance companies bet they will collect more money than they pay out. We hope they are right- but just in case, we want coverage.

Lots of questions... basically come down to whom do you trust...

My trust factor is getting low on both sides. There are many more questions than there are answers. I tend to hold off on making decisions when I am being pressured.

Who do you trust?

God Bless,

Blue Collar Guilt

I am not sure why, but I feel like a scoundrel. I have what feels like lead in my stomach. I received another letter from the IRS telling me that I owe more taxes than I paid in 2007- a sizable amount I might add. I first got notification in April. In 2007 I transferred some IRA funds, as well as former employer 401K money and Ameritrade did not correctly report the IRA transfer. Simple mistake- easily clarified. I sent the rollover forms in to the IRS. I thought we were cool… Living guilt free.

Apparently not, they want me to ante up a sizable chunk of cash. They don’t seem to show the corrections. I have contacted an attorney… I will ante up some funds- but not to them, keeping the wheels of capitalism greased. I apparently need to have someone handle the situation, someone who knows how to square dance the IRS way. Guess a simplified tax code is out of the question.

Until I get the clarification from the IRS, I will still feel like a criminal. It’s a blue-collar thing. I do not want to be seen as a shirker- but a lawful American. I don’t want to receive letters from the IRS. I am confident it will be clarified- at a cost to me, of course. But I can and will regain my honor. It is worth it to me.

I remember my father- in his sober periods, sitting down at the kitchen table with his Republic Steel paycheck and paying bills- satisfying his responsibilities. It instilled a bit of pride in the old man- he had put aside the bottle and was manning up to his duties… Short lived or not- this was a valuable learning tool. I found that staying sober is better, and paying your bills gives you peace. You also knew where you car was, and you were not evicted for not paying rent. I also had the times he was not out of the bottle to balance and learn from. I learned later through trial and error that living within your means is also key to a peaceful life-sober or not.

These thoughts, basic premises of what is honorable and what it means to be at peace, is what amazes me about the government official and legislators who seem to feel no shame as they forget to report income- even though they are responsible to write the tax laws, or make mistakes on their tax forms, and are now responsible the IRS.

I won’t even go into living within your own means.

Charlie Rangel the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee- responsible for writing tax laws somehow did not know that he had to report income on a rental property…and then years later, had to adjust his 1040 once more because he forgot about some property he owned (worth a Million or so- who can keep track?) I guess being a representative is a well-paid position.

Tim Geitner, the only person in the world who could lead us out of this financial mess we are in (how’s that working out- by the way?) had underreported income, even though he had numerous notifications that he needed to report the income… He had used Turbo Tax (as do I) and somehow that was blamed. Now he is chasing scoundrel like me as the head of an agency he could not be hired into, because of his tax missteps: Treasury Secretary- in charge of the IRS. Tim did pay the taxes past due- but only moments before he was appointed Chairman of the Treasury (IRS). I don’t think the Turbo Tax defense would fly for me. I don’t have the guts to even try.

I guess I am wrong to feel this blue-collar guilt- I don’t think I am wrong to want to pay my bills- live within my means and pay my fair share. This is the honorable thing to do.

I once listened to Rep Rangel give a speech some years ago at a Law School graduation… I remember thinking that while I disagree with his liberal leaning- he is a legislator; he is giving back to his country and must be a patriot. He must be honorable.

Rangel, Geitner, and others who shirk their responsibilities- especially those that has positions of authority in government- are not honorable men…

But we are the smucks who keep reelecting them to office...

God Bless us all...

Dancing with the Czars

We desperately want out President to be above the rhetoric and partisan politics... and to have patriotic staff members who reflect the goals of serving all the people and ideals our country...as well as our legislators- both side of the aisle...and we find ourselves disappointed.

Again.

Communist Green Czar’s with no congressional approval, tax cheats who either write the codes or become head of the IRS. Senators with sweet heart mortgage deals deciding the fate of the mortgage companies. Sexual advances in airport rest rooms, as well as performances in the oval office. The only thing that seems to make sense these days with our legislators is the former republican congressional leader Tom Delay being on dancing with the stars-going with his true talent-performing for the public.

Depending on his ratings this fall we should see Barney Frank and Charlie Rangel on Dating in the Dark and Deal or No Deal- respectively.

I am sure there are decent Democratic and Republican legislators, who want to check the United States of America box first, before party preference. I just wish they would be forthright and expose themselves--- in the appropriate fashion...

God Bless and save America...

Tough Weekend

Woke up Saturday with a 100.6 temp, and a lymph node in my thigh the size of a Walkman...(for you youngsters- that’s like two Ipods taped together –or maybe three.) The fever subsided- so there was not a need to visit Moffit for a stay at their bed and breakfast. Just put a cramp into my weekend. No big plans-just going to the gulf to read and a visit to our favorite restaurant for a late lunch.

I read most of the day Saturday- finished off the new Lee Child book... and Sunday, watched the TV news program until I got sufficiently angry, read.

The tough thing is that my lymph node is somewhat painful- so I take a viccoden to make it through. I am also unable to lay down- because I experience a burning sensation on my face when I am reclined... So I sit in my chair- sleep until 4-5AM, then I stumble into bed and then, I guess because I am semi conscious I am able to sleep...

I see Dr. Lancet - and do the IVIG tomorrow... so I am hoping for a suggestion or two.

God Bless

Ah, August...time to relax

The end of summer- the time to relax and prepare for the rush of fall schedules- timetables, and new government incentives...

Rest well weary noble officials...September will soon be here--- as well as November 2010.

Blog Surfing

Occasionally I will blog surf. I sign on to my blog, and then hit next blog- to see where I might go. Different stuff out there- and a lot seems to be in Spanish. But some really great photos.

Anyway, I wanted to post something to get the blast from the seventies off the screen- or top position...maybe a new image to ponder...or as we use to say in the newspaper business- to put the other photo beneath the fold...


More when I feel somewhat "creative"



God Bless

and the beat goes on...

Cindy my friend from OSU, as well as from Facebook, CLL Christian Friends, and CLL Forum wanted me to post this on Facebook- fortunately, I was unable to...so I thought I would drop it here...

Denise has barely changed... but I don't know who that chubby boy with the disturbing mustache is with her...

It's Back

Funny, last week I actually was feeling a little guilty with the SS Disability and all- something about the Irish work ethic...Lazy bum- get out there and do something...So to ease my conscious, my CLL and the symptoms of my skin irritability has returned with a vengeance.

I had spoken to Margaret at Dr. Byrd's office last week- she was checking on me- I told her all was well, and that I felt great. Then over the weekend it started, deja vu all over again. I cannot sleep at night in my bed- I have this feeling of “hives” on my face when I lay down- so I sleep in my chair- my ankles are swollen; the skin eruptions are back and I have the lymph node- I call it the mother node- in my thigh that is about 2 ½ inches long and hurts like heck when I am not popping pain pills.

I am waiting for a trial program to open at OSU- Cal 101- that may be a way to calm down my lymph nodes so I can try for a Bone Marrow Transplant again... I seem to have a form of CLL that does not respond well to the traditional methods of treatment.

I spoke this morning to the St James Resort staff (OSU James Cancer Center) -I like to think of them as my concierge- so they will decide if I should go back on the Dex or try something else... Dexamethosone- a Steroid that makes me feel "human", and sometimes a bit more. I was on it for about six months last year, but it can have some "harmful effects." See my previous post on "whack a Mole".

Sorry, if I sound like a whiner- but lack of sleep does that to me,or at least that is something I can blame. I know there are many people out there who suffer more severe CLL symptoms then me. So I will remain thankful for the fact that God does not give me more than I can handle—and if he does, he provides some “help” along the way...

Positive notes: The grand daughters are back in school again... that will give Denise some time to relax, and break up the day a bit... Last week, we took them to St Pete Beach for a couple days--- they are really great travelers. I really am glad they are here.

Waiting for the St James Team to call back..

God Bless,

Forgiveness

We are by nature not very forgiving. Especially me... I have been known as a judgmental SOB for decades now. But in my daily prayers, I am asking for a "softer" heart. All things are possible through Him.

I think what Michael Vick did was deplorable- I cringe whenever I hear of any animals being intentionally mistreated. I will not address all the other things that are reported in the news that make me cringe- but stay on this topic. Animal cruelty displays a person’s mental and/or emotional defects’

Uncle Charlie might say “That young man’s “head and heart” lights don’t shine very bright...”

The Michael Vick issue has been rumbling around the blogs, face book, sports and talk radio. Many feel that he (Vick) should have had a stiffer sentence that he should have not been allowed back into the NFL. For me, I will wait and see by his actions if he is repentant. Having Tony Dungy in his corner is a good sign.

This all reminds me of what my Pastor back in Vermont use to say----“Good thing I am not God, there would be a lot of striking down going on...”

God is very forgiving (thankfully). I am working on that as well.

God Bless

Randy’s Civic Adventure

I bounced out of bed this morning with purpose, with anticipation of my meeting with Senator Bill Nelson. (Okay, I figured I would see a staff person- not the man himself-but one can dream) The Obama Community Organizers (Mitch Stewart) mislabeled me as a left minded person to “organize” with a scheduled meeting with the democratic senator who represents Florida. Possibly to help ease his (Senator Nelson’s) mind that he should follow the party line on the volatile issue that has polarized the nation. They emailed me the talking points -and a quick click to arrange the meeting. I am, without a doubt, perplexed by the error- as I am with the direction of the Health Care Reform that seems to be stream rolling from the white house. I want to be fair- I want to understand. But I am a conservative. I want to slow this down before we start doing something “stupid”. But I accepted the opportunity. Heck, Senator Nelson did raise his hand to represent me as well.

Braving the rush hour Tampa traffic, I arrived downtown silently cursing my GPS (Dora the Explorer) for not being updated-there’s a lot of new construction that caused me to twist and turn about. After parking on the street- adding an hour to a meter with 45 minutes) I had an initial false start (according to the Marshall’s you cannot bring a cell phone or GPS into a federal building) Returning my cell phone to the mustang- I entered the surprisingly tranquil cool building- I made my way to the Senator’s offices. No news crews, no angry throngs of well-appointed country club type Nazi’s (thank you Speaker Pelosi).... just a young woman who apparently had been left alone to fend off the wild crowds. At that moment, that would have been just me.

Apparently Senator Nelson was out of the country on a Senate Intelligence Committee Meeting... I found out later that no one at his office was privy to the secretive location- especially the lone young lady at the reception desk, Melissa. Actually, because she was the only person there it IS possible that some valued staffers somewhere in Florida know his whereabouts. But I guess they were all on holiday -acknowledged Gil McCormack sarcastic term- while the Senator slaved away in search of intelligence.

There is no truth to the rumor that Senator Bill Nelson was protecting us as a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee in meetings held at Lake Como, along side Brad and Angelina, or George Clooney’s summer homes. I am sure that Continental Airlines was the carrier of choice for this committee- not some decked out G-5 (aka out of touch auto executive style).

So, I was handed a form to fill out, (compliments of Obama.com) so the Senator could read in my own words my very important thoughts and concerns on this pressing issue- and vote accordingly. I could, Melissa suggested somewhat anxiously, fax it back if I preferred. Being retired and in a cool comfortable place, I declined and decided to sit there and compose my numerous random impulses into some legible format. While there I did see three other people arrive, to encourage Bill to fight the evil conservative rats that have dared to speak their mind.

I listened to a couple –a Doctor and his wife, who felt that they should actually verbalize their message to poor strickened Melissa at the desk- surely when Bill returns Melissa would recount their words in a private meeting with Senator Bill-with the verbal passion they displayed. I wrote on the form that Melissa needed a raise. Pro Obama health care. They mentioned how hard it was for their son- who they had to put on their business healthcare plan as a “part-time” employee so he could buy affordable health care- it was not available to him as a free lancer. I thought briefly about the choices we make with our career and all- the sacrifices, and I thought just a little bit about insurance fraud. Mentioning tort reform, the doctor suggested that malpractice insurance was not an issue. I wondered if he was available for a spine alignment- making a rash judgment call, as I am prone to do...

The other was a man who waited patiently to speak to Melissa as well.

I completed my form and passed it to Melissa while the three guest stood there and radiated positive energy into the room. Notifying the Marshall on my exit that I caused no disruption- they could stand down. He smiled.

One hour and seventeen minutes on the meter.

I will let you know what I hear from Senator Bill when he returns. Last response to my fax on the stimulas was a note on what he was doing for the light houses of Florida.

Hope his search for intelligence is successful.

Tomorrow the beach.

God Bless.

Back to the Beach

Denise and I are back from Sanibel Island. We had some wonderful food, plenty of sunshine, just a relaxing time of it... so we decided to do it again- on a smaller more hectic kid scale. We are loading up the grand kids-Heavyn and Neece, and heading off to Treasure Island on Wednesday for a couple of nights at a kid friendly beach hotel. Trading in the wine and escargot for kool aid and ho hoes...but we will have the grand kids.

Not much to report from the St James Resort people (James Cancer Center at OSU). I did receive a return call today from Doris- I was scheduled to see the transplant Doc next week, but since we have not started any treatment- I let them know not to expect me. It has been a bit frustrating waiting for other people to jump into action here. I know the “trial” is being administered by the pharmaceutical company, and that according to Doris (Dr. Byrd’s assistant) when I make my frequent calls- everyone is put in the loop. Good to hear, because as I told her- I have not heard jack. In fact, since I have not spoken to anyone with an advanced degree from Ohio in so long; I am starting to get withdrawals.

So being the control freak that I am, I told her that since nothing is going to happen until at least September- let’s just do six months of chemo treatments before we jump into the Bone Marrow Transplant commitment. I can fly up to Columbus, spend a couple of days doing the chemo chair thing, and then get back to Florida where the temperature will be moderate. With any luck I can put off a relocation to the frozen tundra of Columbus until March or April- when I will have to spend at least three months. I mean, Florida or Ohio in the winter months- whatta think? There does not seem to be any sense on urgency right now- my skin is cleared up (maybe the salt water), I feel OK, steroids have me hitting like A-ROD(just kidding), so maybe we ought to slow this tap dance down a tad. I informed Doris that I was ready to pack and move to Columbus in early summer- but again since there has been no real sense of urgency (or contact) from the OSU team, what the heck- slow baby slow. Maybe I am being a bit cranky?

Speaking of cranky.

Tomorrow I go to US Senator Bill Nelson’s office in Tampa to discuss health care. I got an email from the Obama team asking me to go, I responded to the quick links, and they set it up. Hmmm. I did acknowledge him (Obama) as my president, and somehow I wound up on the mailing list. I am an American. Senator Nelson does represent the people of Florida- where I reside. I do believe that once elected patrician politics should be set aside- and yes, if I put a tooth under my pillow, I will see a saw buck in the morning. But I hardly think I qualify for the Team Obama picnic. Not going to mention any attempts to organize here. I am just going to go and explain that I think we need to make sure we don’t jump too hastily into the same type of quagmire like we did with the bailouts. One morning in September I woke and was told by the big loud talking heads that unless we gave billions (or was it trillions) of dollars to the banks and financial systems that were too big to fail- I would be selling pencils on the street corner. The banks got the money (and no, there are no Ticonderoga #2’s in my hand so far)- but I see the banks looking healthier- but the mortgages and lending sure did not do any somersaults.

I realize that I will more than likely be speaking to some overworked staff member- but I think it important to go.

I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. I will be respectful. Actually, I will be respectful. But I will also make sure my opinion is at least heard- respectfully. I will not utilize the talking points from Mitch Stewart- the Obama political operative that encouraged me to “speak up for health care.” I think there are some personal responsibilities that should be addressed-like if you have a plasma television and no health care- you made the wrong choice. Catastrophic illnesses can strike anyone- I think we need to be a benevolent government to assist those people, but as for those that we in the south they say, “Bless their hearts, they just don’t have enough sense to get in from the rain...” maybe a little less.

I am all for a hand up- not a hand out.

Anyway, time to go to bed and get back to my Jason Bourne book. I don’t seem to get much reading done at the beach- staring aimlessly at the surf and horizon.

One last bit of housekeeping. I need to admit a plagiarised transgression here: The Blog sub title, “Perfuming the Pig” has been lifted from the verbal artillery of my good friend and role model Gil McCormack of Rutland Vermont. One day, I hope to be like him when I grow up. Until then I will just steal his good lines. He does continue to amuse me.

Sorry Gilbert, forgive me for my trespass.

God Bless,

Off to Sanibel Island

Denise and I are sneaking out for a couple of days, going to Sanibel Island to read near the water, sit on the beach, and dine out while we take advantage of some off-season rates. . Sanibel is a relaxing place that reminds me of a much more sedate Key West. No Duval crawl- just breathtaking (and better than Key West) beaches. We will be on the gulf a few steps to the beach. It has been awhile since we have done this- taken some time for R&R...and oddly enough, being recently retired- I am looking forward to the escape. New “Jason Bourne” book in hand, as well as 50+ sun block, and a tank full in the mustang -we will be off. Just as soon as I pack.

The other grandma is coming to Florida from Vermont, so our grandchildren will be with her, giving Denise a break. Denise spends a lot of time with them, going to the zoo, beach, play grounds...as well as conducting Grandma’s summer school. She does get a bit spent by the end of the week. I try to give her some breaks, but as usual she steams on. She is looking forward to some lounging time and a few good meals out. My buddy Doug Evans has suggested a couple of places, and he has yet to let me down.

Yesterday, I had an IVIG infusion at Moffit, and caught up on my guilty pleasure of “Rescue Me” season one DVD 2. IVIG is when they combine 100 pints of blood and remove the “good stuff.” The goal is to improve my immune system. I have been doing this for five months or so...and thankfully my insurance covers it, approximately 10K per treatment. I will say that the numerous fevers and hospitalizations I had before this has subsided. Maybe that offsets the cost?

I still have no word on the St James Resort at OSU Cal 101 trial, although my local Moffit Hem Doc Lancet has suggested I look at a trial MD Anderson has been conducting called OFAR. It would be “off trial” at Moffit, if I wanted to proceed. I won’t go into the details of the treatment or results- but my sounding board is retired Physician Terry Hamblin in the UK, a no bones about it CLL specialist and devout Christian. He I trust for the straight scoop. I am fortunate to get his input. He has suggested that the Cal 101 trial with a 50% PR and little if any toxicity is a no brainer over the more toxic OFAR. Ok. Sounds good to me, although I was hoping to have my treatments closer to home...but if I need to go to Columbus, ok. So I wait for word.

Over all I am feeling pretty good- on day four of my Steroid pulse... all seems to be going well. The skin issue still has me shopping for good band-aid sales... Testing some Walgreen brands- so far so good, at .05 each... being retired and a cheap son of a gun gives me “shopping purpose these days...” My legs are not so bad as to scare small children off the streets if I wear shorts.

Other than that- that’s my ramble for today...

God Bless,