Sunday Afternoon

1:01 PM, Plant City Florida-84 degrees. Woke up from my daily 10-12pm nap and prepared a nice salami cheese and lettuce sandwich on fresh Italian Bread. Two Macadamia nut cookies and a coke zero on the side.  I am not really hungry; I haven’t felt hungry in some time.  I just know that I need to eat- my weight has not decreased from the rapid 80 lb fall, but it’s not going up either. I think I am bulletproof- I am able to eat as much as I want and no weight gain. It would be wonderful if I felt like eating more…

Getting up at 12:00, I took my mid day mood enhancing drugs- they give me a sense of well being over all. It’s not as if I am stumbling around- I can be a clear headed as normal- I just don’t feel the overwhelming stress and anxiety I would feel without it.  Facing facts- I have some bad prognosis- terminal in fact. I realize that. I just need a means to work through it.  The drugs seem to magnify my positive emotions- especially love for my family. Concerning my grandchildren, I can’t think of them without feeling warmth in my heart.

Denise has been trying to nurse our community cat back to health.  Bartlebee has a badly infected paw- probably from a cat fight. He disappeared for a couple of days- but we found him mewing softly in our bushes.  Force feeding him and cleaning his wounds; we have him in a basket in the kitchen. We will evaluate in the morning. He is pretty weak, but better than he was.

Tomorrow, my baby brother turns 51- Ken is ten years younger than me. That’s a lot of years.  When I left home he was seven. Unfortunately, I left him and my sisters with my mother who was clearly- in retrospect, a psychopath. She made their lives hell in a lot of ways. Ken spent more and more time with the neighbors. All in all, Ken has pulled his life around-getting educated in a good career- dedicating himself to being a good father- even when the odds seem stacked against him, he didn’t give up. I am extremely proud of his accomplishments.  He is a good man.

My sister Robin turned 55 on Christmas day.  What a bummer having that date as your birthday. She also survived my mother’s house of horrors- is a Christian, works in the healthcare field, and has what I know she always wanted- a large family she can take care of.

Kim, 48- the baby of the family loves animals- she has rescued numerous dogs- and raised two young men who would make any mother proud.

They lived with my mother until her abrupt death- then Kim went to live with Linda, Kenny, eventually moved in with Denise and me and graduated high school in Vermont and since Robin was an adult she stayed, living with my stepfather.

Our father was no prize either- he died four weeks before my mother in Tennessee. Old news.

Linda is the oldest-65. She married and had children young. Growing up, she was the responsible adult in our family. When we needed something for school- I needed gym trucks- she would make it happen, even when it is the night before and getting late. She has told me she feels guilty that she did not do more for Kenny, Robin, and Kim when Mom was at her worst-- but she was a kid. What could she do? Believe me; she continues to be there for them when they need her.  Sometime I thought they might be taking advantage of her- but she is a generous loving person. Her two sons she raised have turned out to be smashing successes. She speaks to them daily, and works in her son’s Law office- helping him stay organized.

Well there’s an example again of why I call it “Rambling by Randy.”  I am all over the place. I am going to go sit of the porch and read.

God Bless

Randy Shannon