JANUARY 13

It’s been a week since my last post. I am not sure why I don’t post more- other than lack of commitment. When I was younger, I had dreamed about being a writer. I felt I had the necessary imagination and aptitude and what I lacked in grammar I could correct along the way. The challenge however was the commitment. Real writers must commit to writing at least several hours a day. That killed it for me- a guy with a three second attention span. I took a couple of writing courses and was encouraged by teacher, family and friends- I just did not follow through. My lame excuse today was that I was using a Smith Corolla before our first PC. White out was in high demand. Anyway, a week has passed and no posting from me.

Writing like Blogging is rather personal. You have to open parts of yourself you may be uncomfortable with. If you write about a certain horrible thing, you might be asked what personal experience brought you the confidence to write of this. What have YOU done? Plagiarized versions of sexual deviance- or do you have something to tell us? Will people look at you differently after writing a wildly imagined scene of cruelty and physical abuse? Some writers are fearless. Fortunately, my blog is a factual rendering- no wild sex scenes.

I saw my Palliative Shrink yesterday. She hates it when I call her a shrink. So of course… She increased my Lexapro dosage. This anxiety med should help me in the mornings when I have challenges thinking about my future. I know some people have a problem with any type of drug that alters your mood. I find that if I have some stressor or imbalance that doesn’t allow me to think clearly- correcting that is the smartest things to do- just forget the ego that says-“I am a man- I can work it out myself”. I make better balanced decisions when I am not under stress. Is it for everyone- no of course not. I just want to do what’s right for me.

Denise’s eBay business seems to consistently grow. I am very proud of the effort she puts into it. She also runs about like a Tasmanian devil on the house, helping the girls with their homework, and of course taking care of me.  Driving me to appointments, tracking my blood pressure, taking care of the tasks I can no longer handle. I get concerned that she does not seem to know how to relax. She works herself to exhaustion each night.  She says she enjoys it however, and I suspect it allows her take her mind off the present day challenges.

I decided I need to register with VA medical. If I find in the future I need more intense medical coverage- an in home nurse, or even a stint in a nursing facility, they may be of assistance. Looking for my DD form 214, Denise pulled down an old box from the attic. The photo insert I attached is from my Basic Training Flight-photograph displaying all the brave young men standing at attention facing forward, except one airman standing a bit sideways with a smirk on his face.  Some things have always been the same:  Round peg in a square hole.

On the family front- I found a letter in the old box that my sister Robin had written some 40 plus years ago. It was disturbing and extremely personal- I texted her to see if she wanted it. She told me to throw it away- Robin is a strong Christian woman who just wants to move on. No news from my sister Kim.  I suspect she is going to Bingo and enjoying her friends.  No news is good news. Kenny has been in NC visiting Linda and her son Brian. Linda is without a doubt the matriarch of the family- so any time with her is good time. Kenny continues to face some challenges that keep him and his daughter at the top of my prayer list.

Linda and Jim are still fine tuning their new home. Jim is an old hand at this by now. Linda is also working to organize Brian’s law offices, and as a true over active worker bee- getting ready for a three week trip to PA to work on H&R Block. That is what is keeping them young.

My son Angel is suffering from a pretty bad cold so he is laying low as his son Damon is learning how to become a real curtain climber- Onna continues doing well in school- really would like to see them all soon.

The other three grandkids came for Ham dinner Sunday. It’s nice having them and their parents- a real family thing that I never had. Heavyn and Neese have become essential to preparing these meals, while the youngest- Byrnley, cute as a button, runs through the house- ruling the roost.  She is what I call a willful child, full of energy.  Why the young have children- they would kill us old folks.

Well, I guess I will wrap this up- it seems to have turned into one of those Christmas update letters- what we have been up to for the past 12 months. If you are still reading at this point God bless you. I will spend the rest of today updating my new Street’s calendar my buddy Gilbert sent me- and it seems testing my luck with the unexpected scratch ticket he included. Looking for a winner!